(no subject)

The most recent Tropical Storm is named Noel.  My first thought was "I've been to a wonderful hurricane party."
 
 Any little wind can gust,
 Any little gale can blow,
 Any little storm can cause a little rain
 Raise a little hell, be a little hurricane
 Any little cloud can float
 Over any little island, too
 But I can't do anything at all
 But just love you!

Apparently he's really upset about not getting enough egg rolls, and is taking it out on the poor Caribbean. 

the tale of penelope the platypus

Penelope was a platypus, as I've just said, and she resided in Guava Guava, which was a small village on the island of Kapingamarangi, which lies off the coast of Papua New Guinea. It is a peculiarity of Micronesian culture that the only animals they breed for meat are pigs, which is I suppose good news for cows but not nearly so good for the local porcine population; and Penelope, being a soft-hearted soul, could never bring herself to eat bacon, restricting herself instead to a strict diet of carrots and whey.

It happened that a young pig by the name of Francisco Soledad managed to escape from his sty in a neighbouring village and run off to Guava Guava, where he remained in fear for his life as the natives there were just as fond of ham as those of the town he had recently left.  Taking cover beneath a paw-paw tree, he was surprised to find himself nose to nose with Penelope, who had been resting in the shade on her way back from her afternoon stroll.  Penelope could see that something was troubling Francisco, and she encouraged him to unburden himself; upon hearing his sad story, she immediately offered to take him directly to her home, where he could live in peace and safety, provided he too was willing to subsit upon carrots and whey - a decision he was entirely pleased to make.

After a few days in close contact with one another the sexual tension was thick enough to cut with a dull soup-spoon; and finally Penelope could restrain herself no more, and flung herself upon Francisco, crying "Take me!"  Unfortunately for her he found himself incapable of dominating her in the manner which she desired; because as we all know...

pork bottoms.