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Sep. 14th, 2008 07:25 amThis is the genius movie idea I came up with during the hurricane party. FUND IT.
HORATIO HORNBLOWER AND THE FOUNTAIN OF DOOM
In the before-the-credits sequence, Hornblower is shown biting his fingernails nervously while reading a piece of parchment. The parchment says:
And for the love of God, Horatio, don't let this one blow up.
Love and kisses,
"Rear Admiral" (if you know what I mean) Mercutio K. Lemonballs
XOXO
Then the ship blows up.
Run credits. Title card: "MEANWHILE IN RHODE ISLAND:"
James Bond has just finished dragging a large canvas bag to the end of a dock. As he tips it over the side, the printing on it becomes legible: TOTALLY NOT JIMMY HOFFA.
Out of nowhere, Teddy Roosevelt appears in a flash of light. He is riding a Triceratops, flanked by two nude women on unicorns. "There's no time for that!" Teddy cries, pulling Bond up to sit behind him on the dinosaur. "We have to find the Fountain of Doom!"
As they ride away, the dock explodes.
The rest of the movie is about Bond and TR's quest to find the Fountain of Doom and destroy it, because the Fountain of Doom is the source of Horatio Hornblower's powers and if they don't destroy it he'll ruin the movie. Every time they leave a location it blows up behind him, and the nude women on unicorns don't do anything they're just kind of there, and also TR is played by Jason Statham in a very bad fake moustache and a pair of pince-nez spectacles.
HORATIO HORNBLOWER AND THE FOUNTAIN OF DOOM
In the before-the-credits sequence, Hornblower is shown biting his fingernails nervously while reading a piece of parchment. The parchment says:
And for the love of God, Horatio, don't let this one blow up.
Love and kisses,
"Rear Admiral" (if you know what I mean) Mercutio K. Lemonballs
XOXO
Then the ship blows up.
Run credits. Title card: "MEANWHILE IN RHODE ISLAND:"
James Bond has just finished dragging a large canvas bag to the end of a dock. As he tips it over the side, the printing on it becomes legible: TOTALLY NOT JIMMY HOFFA.
Out of nowhere, Teddy Roosevelt appears in a flash of light. He is riding a Triceratops, flanked by two nude women on unicorns. "There's no time for that!" Teddy cries, pulling Bond up to sit behind him on the dinosaur. "We have to find the Fountain of Doom!"
As they ride away, the dock explodes.
The rest of the movie is about Bond and TR's quest to find the Fountain of Doom and destroy it, because the Fountain of Doom is the source of Horatio Hornblower's powers and if they don't destroy it he'll ruin the movie. Every time they leave a location it blows up behind him, and the nude women on unicorns don't do anything they're just kind of there, and also TR is played by Jason Statham in a very bad fake moustache and a pair of pince-nez spectacles.
