Three Men In A Boat (To Say Nothing Of The Pterodactyl)

[titusnowl]

zabbers : Jack/Jack/Jack, on a river rowing tour.


Watercraft - Nautical nomenclature - H. is philosophical - Rum and victuals - Non-Euclidian geometry - A. is less philosophical.

"I've found us a ship," announced S.  How he'd managed to get it there without any visible means of populsion is a mystery which keeps me awake on rainy nights to this day.  Of course, as I live in Wales, rainy nights are nearly all of them, and as I'm generally noctunral, I would be awake anyway -- but the important thing is that S. had come up the creek without a paddle.

"That," said A. after one glance, "is a boat."

"Whatever," said H., stepping between them with a suitcase and a wide grin.  "The important thing is that it floats, right, guys?"

That began the complex sort of Zulu war dance that was packing up the boat.  It seemed that we were at an impasse.  All of us were in perfect agreement as to the necessity of rum on the voyage.  The only question was as to the proportion of the cargo it should be allowed to make up. 

A. had a very large hamper full of foods with names which intrigued me if not the others, although I was shooed away unceremoniously when I attempted to investigate it.  S., upon hearing the menu, proposed that we should chuck the hamper overboard and bring more rum.  He was of the opinion that we could forage for the rest of our needs as we went.  H. pointed out that the banks of the Thames were not edged with fruit-trees.  S. pointed out that they were lined with other ships -- boats.  H. thought this was a good point.  A. snuck the hamper on while they discussed this.

The stack of baggage on the bank was significantly larger than the boat, and the only explanation for our having managed to get everything inside is that it must have been bigger on the inside than it was on the outside.  H. thought this was perfectly reasonable.  S. pointed out that it was not only loaded to the gunwales, it was in water to the gunwales.  "Oh well," said H.  "At least it floats, right, guys?"

Unfortunately, this was no longer true after A. stepped aboard.

I will not repeat what he said.