![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Medium: Video game
Fandom: Team Fortress 2
Subject: The Scout (with a little bit of go-team! cheerleading thrown in)
Title: These Colors Don't Run (But I Sure As Shit Do!)
Fandom: Team Fortress 2
Subject: The Scout (with a little bit of go-team! cheerleading thrown in)
Title: These Colors Don't Run (But I Sure As Shit Do!)
(no subject)
Jan. 25th, 2008 09:30 pmI had this idea of writing little short pieces to talk about how people got into the Game
( two random things )
( two random things )
He never stood still enough to draw a clear bead on, so the Red Sniper's headshot ended up being a graze above his ear and a hole through his hat. The hat, that was the big thing. The wound didn't hurt as bad as some shit he'd had, and all the blood was in his ear, not getting in his eyes, so fuck it - but his HAT. There was a fucking hole through the brim.
He snapped it off and threw it on the ground, shouting. "YOU FUCKING FUCKER! YOU FUCKING PUT A HOLE IN MY FUCKING HAT! YOU DON'T FUCKING DO THAT! YOU DON'T FUCKING MESS WITH A MAN'S HAT!"
The referee took over the comm, buzzing in his ear and ordering him to put the hat back on. "FUCK YOU, COCKFACE, HE FUCKING PUT A HOLE IN MY FUCKING HAT! WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA COME DOWN HERE AND MAKE ME PUT IT BACK ON? I DIDN'T FUCKING THINK SO!"
The referee kept on, so the Scout took the comm off, too, and threw it down so hard it almost broke. He looked up at the nearest camera, still shouting, in silence now because his microphone was in the comm. The camera crew in the monitoring room got nothing but a nice clear view of him making obscene gestures and shouting - the word "fuck" is extremely easy to lip-read.
This little hissy-fit would probably have gotten him fragged if they hadn't called match just about then - the Reds had snagged the briefcase.
The rest of the Blues blamed the Scout for the loss; he adamantly and volubly denied any responsibility. "It's the fucking Red Sniper's fault, assfags, he's the one who fucking put a hole in my fucking hat! You don't fucking mess with a man's hat!"
He sat in exiled ignominy in the common room, pouting and cradling his hat like a baby. "My fucking hat! LOOK at my fucking hat now." He held it up, finger speared through the bullethole. "You can fucking FUCK my fucking hat now."
"Mebbe YU can," said the Demo meaningfully.
And that was the first time the Scout popped the Demo in the eye.
He snapped it off and threw it on the ground, shouting. "YOU FUCKING FUCKER! YOU FUCKING PUT A HOLE IN MY FUCKING HAT! YOU DON'T FUCKING DO THAT! YOU DON'T FUCKING MESS WITH A MAN'S HAT!"
The referee took over the comm, buzzing in his ear and ordering him to put the hat back on. "FUCK YOU, COCKFACE, HE FUCKING PUT A HOLE IN MY FUCKING HAT! WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA COME DOWN HERE AND MAKE ME PUT IT BACK ON? I DIDN'T FUCKING THINK SO!"
The referee kept on, so the Scout took the comm off, too, and threw it down so hard it almost broke. He looked up at the nearest camera, still shouting, in silence now because his microphone was in the comm. The camera crew in the monitoring room got nothing but a nice clear view of him making obscene gestures and shouting - the word "fuck" is extremely easy to lip-read.
This little hissy-fit would probably have gotten him fragged if they hadn't called match just about then - the Reds had snagged the briefcase.
The rest of the Blues blamed the Scout for the loss; he adamantly and volubly denied any responsibility. "It's the fucking Red Sniper's fault, assfags, he's the one who fucking put a hole in my fucking hat! You don't fucking mess with a man's hat!"
He sat in exiled ignominy in the common room, pouting and cradling his hat like a baby. "My fucking hat! LOOK at my fucking hat now." He held it up, finger speared through the bullethole. "You can fucking FUCK my fucking hat now."
"Mebbe YU can," said the Demo meaningfully.
And that was the first time the Scout popped the Demo in the eye.
So they were all sitting around the common room one night, everybody's fucking drunk, yeah? Same old, same old. Now, you know, they ain't got a lot to do, so they get to talking sometimes, and they had this new Soldier who used to be a scientist or something. How the fuck this guy - I mean, he was fucking brilliant - ended up as fucking cannon-fodder in the goddamn Game, who the hell knows, but he's talking all this science bullshit.
"Most of an atom is nothing, you know. Tiny, tiny nucleus in the center, and the electrons - even tinier - move around it in this big wide sphere. There's very little actual matter in matter."
"Oh now that doesn't make any fucking sense," the Scout protested. "I mean, if shit ain't made of shit, then how come it's fucking solid?"
The Soldier started to answer him, but the Spy cut him off. "Actually, mon lapin, it is not. It is just that usually, the leetle tiny bits of matter, zey run into each ozzer, no? But if you can match ze resonant frequencies, so zat ze leetle tiny bit of matter in one goes t'rough ze big empty space of ze ozzer, you can pass right t'rough, clean as a whistle, as zey say."
That that wasn't really a legitimate use of "clean as a whistle" was less interesting than the sciencey bullshit he'd just spouted, and the Scout - well, he was pretty fucking drunk, and not that big on science anyway, right?
"You're fucking bullshitting me, cockfag, there ain't no way that's true."
"I swear, it is! It is so, is it not?" The Spy appealed to the others, who all nodded solemnly, because they could see what was coming.
"Yeah? Well, fuck, if that's true, what's keeping me from running through that fucking wall?"
"Nozzing! You just 'ave to 'it it at ze right frequency. If you are moving at ze proper speed - "
"Fuck me, I can do that. Watch me, you assholes, I'm gonna fucking do it."
The Scout stood up and retreated (only slightly stumblingly) to the far end of the barracks hall, then launched himself down it toward the common-room wall at the other end. He was pretty fucking fast, you know, and he was at a good goddamn clip when he hit it.
He woulda made it, too - sheetrock cracked and crumbled around him - only he hit a stud.
BONK.
Flat on his back with a busted nose and stunned for a second before he sat up. "I ALMOST FUCKING MADE IT! DID YOU SEE ME? I ALMOST FUCKING DID IT! I GOT HALFWAY!"
The Spy rose from the couch, shaking his head. "Non, non, you 'ave to vibrate ze wall first." He placed one gloved hand on the wall, hummed (covering the noise of his kicking out the far side of the wall), and stepped sideways between the studs through the hole in the drywall.
"Oh, fuck you."
"Most of an atom is nothing, you know. Tiny, tiny nucleus in the center, and the electrons - even tinier - move around it in this big wide sphere. There's very little actual matter in matter."
"Oh now that doesn't make any fucking sense," the Scout protested. "I mean, if shit ain't made of shit, then how come it's fucking solid?"
The Soldier started to answer him, but the Spy cut him off. "Actually, mon lapin, it is not. It is just that usually, the leetle tiny bits of matter, zey run into each ozzer, no? But if you can match ze resonant frequencies, so zat ze leetle tiny bit of matter in one goes t'rough ze big empty space of ze ozzer, you can pass right t'rough, clean as a whistle, as zey say."
That that wasn't really a legitimate use of "clean as a whistle" was less interesting than the sciencey bullshit he'd just spouted, and the Scout - well, he was pretty fucking drunk, and not that big on science anyway, right?
"You're fucking bullshitting me, cockfag, there ain't no way that's true."
"I swear, it is! It is so, is it not?" The Spy appealed to the others, who all nodded solemnly, because they could see what was coming.
"Yeah? Well, fuck, if that's true, what's keeping me from running through that fucking wall?"
"Nozzing! You just 'ave to 'it it at ze right frequency. If you are moving at ze proper speed - "
"Fuck me, I can do that. Watch me, you assholes, I'm gonna fucking do it."
The Scout stood up and retreated (only slightly stumblingly) to the far end of the barracks hall, then launched himself down it toward the common-room wall at the other end. He was pretty fucking fast, you know, and he was at a good goddamn clip when he hit it.
He woulda made it, too - sheetrock cracked and crumbled around him - only he hit a stud.
BONK.
Flat on his back with a busted nose and stunned for a second before he sat up. "I ALMOST FUCKING MADE IT! DID YOU SEE ME? I ALMOST FUCKING DID IT! I GOT HALFWAY!"
The Spy rose from the couch, shaking his head. "Non, non, you 'ave to vibrate ze wall first." He placed one gloved hand on the wall, hummed (covering the noise of his kicking out the far side of the wall), and stepped sideways between the studs through the hole in the drywall.
"Oh, fuck you."
(no subject)
Jan. 15th, 2008 03:21 amGot bored, wrote a drabble which is like - a crossover between Team Fortress 2 and His Dark Materials.
( Sariel's utter lack of resistance to the whole thing was a thorn in Michael's side. )
( Sariel's utter lack of resistance to the whole thing was a thorn in Michael's side. )
(no subject)
Jan. 2nd, 2008 12:01 pmMore Jen-fic! It is perfectly acceptable to be as emo as you like with the Spy, because the French are a naturally emo people.
"Take ze next left and - "
"FUCK!", then a clattering sound that shorts out the microphone for a second.
"Scout? Scout, do you read? Michel?"
Silence.
The Spy is already making his way in when the line opens back up.
"Fuck - Spy, do you read?"
"Scout! What 'appened?"
"Fucking Scout tried to cream me. Asshole knocked my fucking hat off and it took the comm with it. That fucking chav'll have a headache the size'a my balls if he wakes up - "
( The Engineer )
"Take ze next left and - "
"FUCK!", then a clattering sound that shorts out the microphone for a second.
"Scout? Scout, do you read? Michel?"
Silence.
The Spy is already making his way in when the line opens back up.
"Fuck - Spy, do you read?"
"Scout! What 'appened?"
"Fucking Scout tried to cream me. Asshole knocked my fucking hat off and it took the comm with it. That fucking chav'll have a headache the size'a my balls if he wakes up - "
( The Engineer )
(no subject)
Dec. 31st, 2007 05:52 pm![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
cupiecake wrote a thing! Spy/Scout, adult-rated, rather eeee- and awww-inducing IMO.(no subject)
Dec. 30th, 2007 05:46 pmEverybody hates the fucking Sniper.
This is because he's a fucking ass.
The Pyro has a thing against him, because he insisted on calling her "boy," and wouldn't stop until she took off the mask and proved it - and now he won't stop saying disgusting things to her. She's about half an inch of willpower away from lighting his bed on fire with him in it.
And then, of course, there's the matter of the Spy and the Scout and some photographs.
But even setting aside these personal vendettas, he is generally ill-liked. He's paranoid delusional, and although in here, everyone really is out to get you, it still doesn't make for very good teammates, you know. The popular rumor about his past is that he killed some people out in the Outback.
And ate them.
"Fuckin' newspapers called him the Dingo, because he eats motherfucking babies - "
Everyone has a terrible secret wish down in their heart that one day the Spy will "accidentally" stab him to death.
"Eet was only a leetle cut! 'oo would think zere would be so much blood - Eet was for verisimilitude!"
The Heavy, though, he's a good guy.
As long as you don't touch Sascha.
Those barrels get red-hot over the course of a battle, you know, and the Spy once had the brilliant idea of stooping to light his cigarette from them.
Saying "brilliant" was sarcasm, yeah?
Massive meaty mitt around his arm, lifting him up to eye level - "YOU WILL NOT TOUCH SASCHA."
"Zat man," once he was out of earshot, rubbing his arm (the bruises took a day to even show up, and over a week to fade away), "'as an unnatural closeness wi' zat weapon - "
No sympathy from anybody. "He fucking told everybody not to touch his fucking gun, cockfag. You feel like dicking around with the Russian tank that is YOUR fucking issue."
Of course, the Scout had touched Sascha himself once. High-pitched hysteria cracking his voice: "I DIDN'T FUCKING HURT IT - "
"You will not touch my gun."
"OK OK I WON'T I'LL NEVER EVEN FUCKING LOOK AT IT AGAIN JUST PUT ME DOWN PLEASE"
And that is how he learned that lesson.
This is because he's a fucking ass.
The Pyro has a thing against him, because he insisted on calling her "boy," and wouldn't stop until she took off the mask and proved it - and now he won't stop saying disgusting things to her. She's about half an inch of willpower away from lighting his bed on fire with him in it.
And then, of course, there's the matter of the Spy and the Scout and some photographs.
But even setting aside these personal vendettas, he is generally ill-liked. He's paranoid delusional, and although in here, everyone really is out to get you, it still doesn't make for very good teammates, you know. The popular rumor about his past is that he killed some people out in the Outback.
And ate them.
"Fuckin' newspapers called him the Dingo, because he eats motherfucking babies - "
Everyone has a terrible secret wish down in their heart that one day the Spy will "accidentally" stab him to death.
"Eet was only a leetle cut! 'oo would think zere would be so much blood - Eet was for verisimilitude!"
The Heavy, though, he's a good guy.
As long as you don't touch Sascha.
Those barrels get red-hot over the course of a battle, you know, and the Spy once had the brilliant idea of stooping to light his cigarette from them.
Saying "brilliant" was sarcasm, yeah?
Massive meaty mitt around his arm, lifting him up to eye level - "YOU WILL NOT TOUCH SASCHA."
"Zat man," once he was out of earshot, rubbing his arm (the bruises took a day to even show up, and over a week to fade away), "'as an unnatural closeness wi' zat weapon - "
No sympathy from anybody. "He fucking told everybody not to touch his fucking gun, cockfag. You feel like dicking around with the Russian tank that is YOUR fucking issue."
Of course, the Scout had touched Sascha himself once. High-pitched hysteria cracking his voice: "I DIDN'T FUCKING HURT IT - "
"You will not touch my gun."
"OK OK I WON'T I'LL NEVER EVEN FUCKING LOOK AT IT AGAIN JUST PUT ME DOWN PLEASE"
And that is how he learned that lesson.
(no subject)
Dec. 30th, 2007 06:35 amSo I made this icon:
Jen: that's pretty cool -
Jen.: only he usually wears his hat, but.
Jen: i can see him flipping the shit out
Jen: because the sniper put a hole in his hat
Jen: and throwing it on the ground even though they're telling him over the comms he has to wear the hat, it's uniform
Jen: so he throws the COMM on the ground
Jen: "WHAT'RE YOU FUCKIN' GONNA DO, COCKFAGS? YOU GONNA COME *MAKE* ME WEAR IT? YEAH, FUCK YOU, I THOUGHT NOT!"
Me: that is so exactly yes.
Jen: 3 kills seems awful a lot, for such small teams - (nitpicking again sorry)
Me: maybe it's like, cumulative.
Jen: yeah
Jen: This is from the season-ender or some shit
Jen: (two soldiers and a sniper he found once and accidentally batted his head clean off.
Me: CLEAN OFF <3
Jen: can you even fucking do that?
Jen: 'cause it'd be awesome
Me: Justin says no :( You can put a bat clean THROUGH a skull, but the skull would give way before it came off. But even that -
Jen: lol the sniper all focused on a target
Jen: and michael focused on the sniper -
Jen: WHOMP
Jen: haha great footage for the cameras, man
Jen: michael'd be SO FUCKIN PLEASED with himself
Me: man, straight the fuck THROUGH THE BACK OF THE SKULL
Me: that's another of those manic-laugh things
Me: HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU GUYS
Me: YOU FUCKING MISSED IT
Me: HOLY FUCK
Me: I WISH THEY WOULD LET US WATCH THE FUCKING SHOW SO I COULD MAKE YOU WATCH THE FUCKING SLOMO REPLAY.
Jen: crowin' out the window at whoever the fuck the sniper was aiming at
Jen: i wanna say the pyro
Jen: and she throws him the thumbs up and has no fuckin' clue what he's talking about only that he's shouting at her
Jen: and the spy raises an eyebrow when michael's trying to tell this story "he's all fuckin focused, man, and I just WHOOOMP -"
Jen: and is all "you are filthy, 'tit."
Jen: and michael looks down and he's just COVERED with blood. "well, yeah, fuck. his head fucking like, exploded, cockfag."
Plus, ESPN - ESPN is owned by fucking DISNEY, lol.
So, like, posited: The edited Real World style show, for the Blues at least, is aired on Friday nights on ABC (another Disney channel); the live feed of the fight is available on ESPN, and that's what the "screengrab" in the icon is from. The Reds get aired on NBC or some shit, makes it real easy to follow just your own team. Sports bars on opposite sides of the street showing the different teams, and the inevitable streetfighting riots breaking out in South Boston as the pubs empty after the airing, one side of the street flipping off the other one and shouting about kicking their asses.
Further implications of Team Fortress being aired by a Disney property include a possible TF attraction at MGM studios - laser tag, maybe, or one of those 3D video things which inevitably end with the audience being squirted with water (currently they've got one where you get "sneezed" on and one where a bug "squirts" you; obviously it'd be "blood" for the TF one).
Jen: that's pretty cool -
Jen.: only he usually wears his hat, but.
Jen: i can see him flipping the shit out
Jen: because the sniper put a hole in his hat
Jen: and throwing it on the ground even though they're telling him over the comms he has to wear the hat, it's uniform
Jen: so he throws the COMM on the ground
Jen: "WHAT'RE YOU FUCKIN' GONNA DO, COCKFAGS? YOU GONNA COME *MAKE* ME WEAR IT? YEAH, FUCK YOU, I THOUGHT NOT!"
Me: that is so exactly yes.
Jen: 3 kills seems awful a lot, for such small teams - (nitpicking again sorry)
Me: maybe it's like, cumulative.
Jen: yeah
Jen: This is from the season-ender or some shit
Jen: (two soldiers and a sniper he found once and accidentally batted his head clean off.
Me: CLEAN OFF <3
Jen: can you even fucking do that?
Jen: 'cause it'd be awesome
Me: Justin says no :( You can put a bat clean THROUGH a skull, but the skull would give way before it came off. But even that -
Jen: lol the sniper all focused on a target
Jen: and michael focused on the sniper -
Jen: WHOMP
Jen: haha great footage for the cameras, man
Jen: michael'd be SO FUCKIN PLEASED with himself
Me: man, straight the fuck THROUGH THE BACK OF THE SKULL
Me: that's another of those manic-laugh things
Me: HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU GUYS
Me: YOU FUCKING MISSED IT
Me: HOLY FUCK
Me: I WISH THEY WOULD LET US WATCH THE FUCKING SHOW SO I COULD MAKE YOU WATCH THE FUCKING SLOMO REPLAY.
Jen: crowin' out the window at whoever the fuck the sniper was aiming at
Jen: i wanna say the pyro
Jen: and she throws him the thumbs up and has no fuckin' clue what he's talking about only that he's shouting at her
Jen: and the spy raises an eyebrow when michael's trying to tell this story "he's all fuckin focused, man, and I just WHOOOMP -"
Jen: and is all "you are filthy, 'tit."
Jen: and michael looks down and he's just COVERED with blood. "well, yeah, fuck. his head fucking like, exploded, cockfag."
Plus, ESPN - ESPN is owned by fucking DISNEY, lol.
So, like, posited: The edited Real World style show, for the Blues at least, is aired on Friday nights on ABC (another Disney channel); the live feed of the fight is available on ESPN, and that's what the "screengrab" in the icon is from. The Reds get aired on NBC or some shit, makes it real easy to follow just your own team. Sports bars on opposite sides of the street showing the different teams, and the inevitable streetfighting riots breaking out in South Boston as the pubs empty after the airing, one side of the street flipping off the other one and shouting about kicking their asses.
Further implications of Team Fortress being aired by a Disney property include a possible TF attraction at MGM studios - laser tag, maybe, or one of those 3D video things which inevitably end with the audience being squirted with water (currently they've got one where you get "sneezed" on and one where a bug "squirts" you; obviously it'd be "blood" for the TF one).
Medium: Video Games
Fandom: Team Fortress 2
Subject: The Pyro
Title: Pleasure To Burn
Notes: For Jen, who loves the Pyro
Fandom: Team Fortress 2
Subject: The Pyro
Title: Pleasure To Burn
Notes: For Jen, who loves the Pyro
